On a Wednesday...

Trying to get back into the daily habit of writing before starting the day. Well, the day is already partially started before I get to writing. You see, I must get up, make the bed, clothe, feed the cats, start the coffee, use the restroom, water the plants, then maybe a couple of other menial tasks before I finally get to sit down. Maybe I should move my desk back to my bedroom? I'm sure having my hardware on the opposite side of the house adds a little bit of resistance to finally getting sat down.

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After I'm done writing, I'm going to try to get some drawing done. I need to get back into that habit as well. Here lately however, there's almost a feeling of abhorrence when I have pencil and paper in front of me. The thought of drawing makes me feel physically sick. I feel so disgusted with the act of it, and I have no idea where this is coming from. For the past year or so I simply had no desire to draw anymore, what with artists getting stiffed every time you turn around, and AI crawlers scraping every bit of shrapnel they can get their virtual greasy mitts on. 

But that ennui has been replaced with outright revulsion. I think the most recent event to have driven the nail in the proverbial coffin was the blasted "The People's Artist" sca- I mean, "competition." I was so excited when I saw it announced, I should have known better. "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is." A couple of weeks after entering, I was ecstatic. I quickly learned that it was going to be a popularity contest, and my excitement waned some. Popular vote? Great... I don't have many friends, and the embarrassment of asking my coworkers to support me was too much for me. I am one of those hyper-independents that abhors asking for help with anything. Eventually I sucked it up and started posting my advertisements once the polls opened. Close friends and family showed overwhelming support, and my sister told me she even donated, saying she'd give more if it would help me win. Donated?? Give more?? I looked at the voting page and while they had a one free vote a day option, there were PAID vote options. My stomach sank. This felt downright nasty to me. I would never, ever want anyone to put money down for my sake, especially for such a shady contest. Then the day after that, news started rolling onto my socmed feeds from other artists that had done some digging on the competition. It's owned by Colossal, infamous for other scammy "competitions." In the fine print they state that all art uploaded to them becomes their property to do with and sell as they wish. My stomach dropped.

I think this whole ordeal has been the final straw. I am sick to death of artists being taken advantage of. I mean, it's not like we're rolling in wealth, that losing a little bit here and there wouldn't affect us. Starving artist is a cliche for a reason. I am just sick to death of this exploitative system we've found ourselves in. I would very much like to go back to the Renaissance era, when the rich would adopt an artist. Ah, I digress. There's no use romanticizing a past I know nothing of firsthand.

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You know, when I began to write, I hadn't intended this to be a complaining session, but it seems that's what wants to come forth at the moment. It's a nasty habit I would like to curb some going forward. Complaining has its uses, to clue us in on what needs to be changed, but I've found myself drowning in it lately and it's made me quite an irritable person. I've always had some natural irritability to me, but it's been clouding up and overshadowing the cheerful disposition I would much rather project to those around me. I've caught myself grumbling more at work, when I used to be the one to play Devil's advocate in favor of optimism for my coworkers. I suppose even the sunshine people need a rainy day now and then. But it's so embarrassing to let the mask slip, to be vulnerable.

It is easy, to find ourselves venting about this upset and that, especially online where we can be anonymous for the most part. But it can become dangerous if that's what one fills one's time with. It is made all the more easier with algorithms that are filled with dismal news after enraging news. This is another habit I would like to curb some. It's on the to-do list, to curate my feeds a little more. It is a delicate balancing act, I believe, to take control of the information we consume. I think it's important to not pile all of the hardships of the world onto your digital plate, but at the same time not to bury your head in the sands of cute cat videos and wholesome content. 

These are unprecedented times we find ourselves in, but we endure, as we have in the many unprecedented times that have come before us. We're all feeling around blindly in the muck, but I have hope that we will find our way. And oh, what a gorgeous lotus we could make.

Until next time. ⚘